15 October 2009
Hours after winning the 'THe Most Hapless Man in America' contest in Van Nuys, California, Bob Smith celebrated alone while bicycling home to San Francisco. He candidly smoked a few Marijuana joints and gloating to himself about his prize.
"Finally, number one...at something!" Those words were short lived, and his last spoken. Bob's vintage Schwinn bicycle hit a pothole at high speed, and pitched to the right sharply.
He never saw the highway sign hanging by one bolt.
The thin aluminium sign edge caught Smith just above the ears, smartly lopping off his skull and removed all his hair. His brain was left intact, though on-the-half-shell resting in his skull.
Stoned, but not deterred, Smith peddeled onward with another 75 miles to go before arriving in San Francisco.
He was first alerted that something was amiss when cars passed, slowed, and people vomited from their windows. Though unsusual, Smith wasn't alarmed since most were women and Smith was familiar with that reaction.
It wasn't until he was annoyed by sea gulls swooping down to nibble on his brain matter that he decided to seek medical help. The exit sign read....'Corn-Glo Medical Institute-This exit.'
His arrival at the holistic emergency center was met with quick, professional attendants who rushed him into life saving suregery where a team of skilled doctors removed the bird-damaged brain and substituted an organic vegetable-based brain and a new solar powered skull-top made of re-cycled Corel dinnerware.
An Institute spokesman claims Bob is resting well and has had few side-effects other than having an instant erection whenever he smelled mayonnaise.
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